Anyways . . .

Dad's being a jerk-off . . . again.  I'm taking a trip out of town this weekend for a leadership conference.  Dad's like, "You're gonna have to show me what to do with your horse before you leave for the weekend."  I said, "Nope.  Mrs. Bryk's going to be taking care of Courtney."  He's like, "Well, what if she can't?"  (Um . . . I wouldn't have asked her to if she said she couldn't . . . )  "Then Liz is going to take care of Courtney.  I have everything under control."  He got SO ticked.  He's like, "You don't need to get smart with me!"  Granted, I may have sounded irritated, but he RUINS Courtney every time he comes within 15 feet of her.  He smacks her in the head if she's in his way, which has resulted in months of trying to get her from being headshy.  Also, he would NOT have remembered/listened to the instructions anyhow, and I would come home to a sick horse.  Besides, last time I gave him instructions on anything to do with Courtney, he got all mad and whimpery and he went all I-know-everything-about-horses on me.  (Actually, I'd be surprised if he could guess the head from the crapper on his first guess.)  So he's MAJORLY offended that I didn't ask him to take care of my horse while I was out of town.  I find that absolutely 100% without-a-doubt one of the most amazing things I've ever heard.  I cannot believe that he'd get so mad at me about asking Mrs. Bryk to feed Courtney instead of him, that he won't even LOOK at me, he won't even SPEAK to me, and in general not want me to be in the same room as him (every time I walk into the same room he was in, he'd get up and leave).  He says that I don't go out and break the ice out of her bucket enough.  Well, I'd say something not so nice, but I try as hard as I can not to swear.  I go back 4-5 times a day AT LEAST to break the ice out of her bucket, but he's never home to see it!  And if he IS home, he's parked in front of the Internet and can't see the barn anyhow.  I can't help it that water freezes at 32 degrees Farenheit, and that it's negative five degrees Farenheit outside right now!  He actually has the audacity to go around to people at church and tell them that I don't take good care of my horse, when he has absolutely no idea HOW to take care of a horse or even how to act around one.  That hurts SO bad.  The vet says otherwise.  Courtney's a healthy horse, despite the fact she doesn't keep weight very well.  He thinks I do a great job with her, and I trust him more than I trust my dad.  Every single night I BEG God to help me find an inch of my mind that would be willing to forgive him someday for what he's done to me.  I absolutely hate feeling this way.  Bill even offered to let me go over to his house whenever I needed to get away from him.  Bill can be annoying sometimes and I don't always agree with his point of view on everything, but he's SUCH a nice guy and the best boss anyone could ask for.  Oh, and Dad says that because I don't dress up in fancy clothes or wear makeup very often that I'm not gonna attract many guys.  Number one, I couldn't care less how many guys I attract, or don't attract.  I'm NOT a boy-crazy freak like most girls are.  The only guy I ever care about attracting is my future husband who should love me the way I am.  Number two, I have a GREAT boyfriend that doesn't demand fancy clothes and makeup, and he accepts the farm girl in me (part of it is because he's a farm boy himself, hehe).

And I'd tell you about the day when Dad called me a brainless idiot, but I don't feel like crying my eyes out for five hours again like I did last time.

Oh, I just get so mad sometimes.  It feels SO good to vent my frustrations.  But I almost started crying at work tonight and that wouldn't have been fun to deal with, haha.  Edge painting would be hard and messy if I couldn't see the edge of the belt through my tears.

And Johnny Carson died last night.  That's so sad.  I'll miss you, Johnny!!!  I'd like to watch Jay Leno tonight to see what he does to remember Johnny, but Dad's zonked out on the couch and if he wakes up and finds me watching Jay Leno he'll have another hissyfit.  He hates Jay Leno for some reason.

On a brighter note, I have homecoming to look forward to March 12th.  I'll have to call Leigh and schedule another "Play with Mariane's Hair" Day like last homecoming.  Oh, and they say it's not gonna be as formal this year, so I don't have to wear the big floofy dress like usual.  YES!  I'm still gonna wear a nice outfit that involves a skirt, but nothing over $50.  Last time we ended up spending $200 on a dress.  I was like, "Gosh, that's too much for a dress I'm only gonna wear once."  I guess I'm just not the "Play Dress-Up" type, lol!  So yeah, I'm excited about homecoming.  That's gonna be fun.

Okay, I think I'm done.  I feel really bad for making everyone who reads this go through the torture I face almost every day, but I just need to let it out somehow or I start getting depressed . . . seriously.

Yeah.  I'm done.  Okay, everybody, good night.

Peace, love, and happiness,

-Marianne

I think this would be in the fan mail pile...

I am terribly sorry I haven't written in awihle. My computer is being a total jerk (and yes, I do describe appliances like they are people. Just like the lamp downstairs is a freaking idiot). Just trying to cheer you up, girl, because you sound like you need a friend to lean on.

*Starts singing* Lean on me, when you're not strong and I'll be your friend...*fades out and rock back and forth* Yes, I'll stop, you don't have to endure hearing me sing that awful song. I don't like it. The words are okay, but the music...ick. It was our graduation song last year and it was awful. In fact, that night, I watched 28 Days, a show about drug rehab, and the rehabillitation center song was Lean on Me. Sad, huh?

Okay, I am rambling, but I'm trying hard to take your mind off of things and such. I'm terrible at it, aren't I? But, no matter what happens, I'm there for ya, babe *Does an Uncle Jesse imprssion*

I don't know your dad, and so I'm not going to say anything I would really regret later...but I just want to let you know certain people are stupid, good-for-nothing, awful...sandbags...???? (no idea where that came from).

You are Grrrrreat with Courtney. No one should EVER tell you differently. You are amazing with that horse and I know she cares for you very much. You have been a fantabulous friend and I hope to be the same to you.

"Actually, I'd be surprised if he could guess the head from the crapper on his first guess"

I'm sorry, but that was freaking brilliant.

Anyways, I hope to talk to you VERY soon and Congrats on your boyfriend *oolala*! Zu are zhe most vonderful perzon! Hope you feel better and Peace on you!

By the way, I have Johnny Carson clip on my website. I think it should cheer you up...

-Vianne

Awww . . . you sorta kinda just made me cry, haha!
You made me smile tons just by reading that. You're awesome at taking my mind off stuff that makes me feel all down-and-out. You even were singing a song you don't really like just to make me feel better! :)
Sandbags, hehe. Can you imagine saying to someone you really can't stand, "You're such a sandbag!"
Thanks for the compliments about Courtney. That was what made me start crying. I'm glad you liked my "head from crapper" thing, too . . . haha
Yeah, Scott's really special. He actually is willing to muck Courtney's stall out for me and call it a "date," lol! "So, what's your idea of a date?" "Scooping horse crap out of my barn in subzero weather. Yours?" There's only one bad thing—he's my favorite teacher's nephew. So I get hounded daily by Mr. Proudfoot . . . but he thinks it's great, so cool.
Watched the Johnny Carson clip. That's hysterical. And I DID get to watch Jay Leno last night (Mom rigged up our little tiny TV in her room and we watched it together). It was sad, but really nice listening to Jay's sentiment for his predecessor. He had a nice tribute to Bob Hope when he died, too.
Thanks for cheering me up and being such a totally awesome, super cool, there-through-thick-and-thin, positively fantabulous friend!! *hugs Vianne through computer screen*